The 10 Valentine Commandments

I.     I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.

II.   Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me
behind my back.

III.  Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else.

IV.   Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too darn weird.

V.     Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me
embarrassed to be seen with thee.

VI.   Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it
if thou knowest what's good for thee.

VII.  Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am in thy
bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX.    Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's house.

X.      Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze, nor son or daughter,
nor stereo, nor BMW.